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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Not playing by the rules
Yesterday evening as I pulled out of the parking lot at work, I found myself driving down a two lane street which construction had forced to merge into one lane in the middle of the block.
I was supposed to pick someone up at the university and was already running late so I was a bit more aggressive than usual when it was almost my turn to merge.
The car beside me who, according to the alternating order of mergers, should have been next to enter the single lane hesitated for a moment and didn't move forward.
We'll forget the fact that he was having an animated conversation on a handheld cell phone (illegal), and carrying on a simultaneous argument with his wife/girlfriend next to him in the car. We'll even ignore the mental scars with which I'm left after watching him carry on both the cellular and marital discussions while his left index finger remained buried in his left nostril up to the second knuckle (and threatening to go further if necessary)!
We'll ignore these things because the central issue is not his ability to multi-task or his couth... but rather that he didn't move up when it was his turn.
Obviously I did what anyone would do... I jumped ahead of him.
The moment he realized that he had missed his turn to merge, his freier (sucker) alarm must have gone off and he lurched forward until our mirrors were nearly touching. I watched as he rolled down his window to give me a piece of his mind (presumably whatever remained after his digital mining explorations), and braced for the worst.
I was tired from work and not up to a confrontation, so before he could launch into his tirade I rolled down my window... smiled weakly... and said (in Hebrew):
"You're right, sir... don't say it, I already know that you were right and I was wrong! It was your turn and I should have waited for you to move forward. I apologize."
For perhaps 15 seconds he looked at me in total confusion while the cars behind us began to honk.
He finally wagged his index finger (thankfully the right one), at me and said (obviously in Hebrew), "That's not right what you just did!", and pulled quickly ahead of me.
I'm still not sure if he was referring to my traffic faux pas, or the fact that I had denied him the opportunity to yell at me. I suspect the latter because for the next minute or so he was yelling something to either the person on the phone or the woman in the passenger seat, and gesturing at my car behind him.
Hmmm... I'll have to remember that!
Note to self: It throws Israelis totally off their game when you short-circuit their rant with an apology.
Posted by David Bogner on August 10, 2005 | Permalink
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Tracked on Aug 11, 2005 3:20:06 PM
Comments
yeah, not letting an israeli rant could be harzardous to your health (specially if they have an m16 in their hands...). all that pent up unrantingness could just blow up like a volcano. BH, you came out unscathed.
Posted by: Tonny | Aug 10, 2005 2:39:54 PM
Of course, if it been the other way around, he probably wouldn't have hesitated to jump in front of you if you had been the one to not move quickly enough. Though I dare say that one would not find you sitting behind the wheel of your car engaging in same activities...
Posted by: She | Aug 10, 2005 2:50:54 PM
ah, it's possible your nose-excavating fellow driver would have done the same if your positions were reversed, but how clever and "thinking outside the box" of you to find the perfect way to thwart a confrontation. It sounded like he was having enough of them yesterday anyway...and quite able to carry on without your participation!
Posted by: nrg | Aug 10, 2005 3:04:36 PM
You gotta love those "multi-taskers"!
Posted by: Essie | Aug 10, 2005 3:31:08 PM
"Biologically", you created a short-circuit on the left hemisphere of his brain when you gave him an unexpected response, this in-turn gave him a problem hurling you a good combination of the F word. You’ll rarely find such incidences with ladies, I understand they quickly load-shift to their backup right hemisphere and increase their capability – mobile phone, marital argument, driving, cute guy crossing the road, m16 under the seat (Israeli), diversions, crossroads, pot-holes…you name it.
Posted by: kakarizz | Aug 10, 2005 3:56:07 PM
David, David, David -
You could have saved yourself 10 of those 15 seconds by rolling down your window, yelling at him "why didn't you move when it was your turn, jerk?" and then letting him yell at you "what the hell do you think you are doing?" and then, after yelling back and forth a little, one of you would say "Yalla. Go ahead. Shabbat shalom, my brother."
And that would be it. You would wave at each other and smile, and he, for one, would forget the whole thing.
The key thing is to end with the word "my brother." That's how you know it's over.
:-)
Posted by: Sarah | Aug 10, 2005 4:06:17 PM
Tonny... The funny thing is that LA-freeway-style road rage-inspired shootings are virtually unheard of here. You have so many people walking around armed who argue with one another at the drop of a hat... that it just wouldn't occur to anyone to even threaten to use their weapons. I've actually witnessed a fistfight on the street where two men with pistols in their belts beat the snot out of each other over a parking spot. I suppose we have to be thankful that a profound respect for guns/life is the rule... and not the exception.
She... Oh, without a doubt, he would have absolutely taken the same opportunity if it had presented itself. And yes, you are correct that I try to obey the cellphone laws and do my personal 'grooming' at home. :-)
nrg... I honestly don't know if he was having arguments or if he was just a naturally loud person. There is a large swath of the population that enjoys sharing their conversations with those around them... and who can't speak without gesturing wildly.
Essie... True... it is a gift.
Kakarizz... You seem to have a very solid grasp of the neurological issues... but I have to correct you about the 'F' word. Israeli school kids and religious mothers toss it around quite freely as a slang way of saying 'mistake'. The really solid curses you'd be likely h to hear in traffic are the ones borrowed from Russian and Arabic.
Sarah... There is a saying I heard not long ago that goes, "If a person calls you Achi (brother) it's a sure sign he doesn't know you... and if a person calls you a Ben Zonah (son of a whore) it is certain that they know you very well." The logic to this is that only someone who knows you would dare use so intimate a curse.
Posted by: David | Aug 10, 2005 4:11:36 PM
The loud sound you've all just heard is me falling off my seat and erupting in laughter from both the post and a vast majority of the comments! Thank you all for a well needed laugh! :-)
Posted by: zahava | Aug 10, 2005 4:36:16 PM
"If a person calls you Achi (brother) it's a sure sign he doesn't know you... and if a person calls you a Ben Zonah (son of a whore) it is certain that they know you very well." The logic to this is that only someone who knows you would dare use so intimate a curse.
Ah, so the woman at the market must have been an old family friend. I feel so much better.
After years of driving in LA I find it easy to get around in Israel. I have no problem being aggressive on an "as needed" basis.
Now just think about how interesting the conversation could have been if you had snapped a picture of him and his finger and then displayed it to him. It can't be easy to yell at someone when they stick a picture of you picking your nose in your face.
Ok, that is far to complicated and rather silly, but I am really tired now.
Posted by: Jack | Aug 10, 2005 4:47:02 PM
"I'm still not sure if he was referring to my traffic faux pas, or the fact that I had denied him the opportunity to yell at me."
David, it has been a tough day, and I wanted to thank you for the massive flow of endorphins in my brain after laughing mighty heartily at that line. You excel at capturing sense and imagery, you ben zona (hat-tip to Jack!).
Posted by: yonah | Aug 10, 2005 5:10:13 PM
Ah, this guy was a total amateur; an Israeli bus driver could've held the telephone conversation, argument, picked his nose, made change (hopefully with the other hand) and cut you off while driving around a hairpin curve...
Posted by: efrex | Aug 10, 2005 5:34:31 PM
"If a person calls you Achi (brother) it's a sure sign he doesn't know you... and if a person calls you a Ben Zonah (son of a whore) it is certain that they know you very well."
That's quite interesting. If only that were true... :-)
Thanks for the laugh.
Posted by: tmeishar | Aug 10, 2005 5:40:26 PM
tmeishar, what's the case for "chamudi", then, or "chaboub"? :)
David, excellent. So we all have something to occupy us with on the way up north. It's a long way to Tipp....err, Ein Camonim.
Posted by: mademoiselle a. | Aug 10, 2005 6:36:05 PM
Fabulous... I do stuff like that all the time.
Really catches folks off their guard. Often times they just wave and drive off...and I like to think that I have taught them something about staying calm and letting things roll off.
Road rage is silly. It serves no purpose and solves nothing.
Posted by: lisa | Aug 10, 2005 7:31:54 PM
Geez...how many hands did this guy have? One holding the cell phone, one picking his nose, one rolling down the window, one presumably gesturing wildly...which one was on the wheel?
Posted by: psychotoddler | Aug 10, 2005 7:51:16 PM
Zahava... If you're on the floor does that mean I can have my Aeron chair back??? Pleeeeeze?!
Jack... Unfortunately Zahava had the camera today. Good idea for next time, though. :-)
Yonah... You know me... I'm a giver. :-) Hope your day is looking up.
Efrex... I guess I should count myself lucky then. :-)
Tmeishar... Any time. By the way, there is a lot of truth to that saying. I have cab drivers and store merchants call me brother and uncle all the time (and so far nothing worse).
mademoiselle a. ... Oh great. All I needed was to be whistling old WWI songs for the rest of the evening! anyway, I look forward to having you introduce us to your favorite restaurant.
Lisa... I hope I didn't give the impression that I don't indulge in road rage. I do. A lot. My wife can testify to that. I wrote about today's incident partly because it is so out of character for me. I take things way too personally on the road. I'm working on it though.
Pschotoddler... Like I said, he was multi-tasking. :-)
Posted by: David | Aug 10, 2005 9:13:52 PM
*to herself* Yessss, strrrrike!!!!
Posted by: mademoiselle a. | Aug 10, 2005 10:44:38 PM
Eeeewww, I can't get past his left finger. I swear, at least once a day I see someone digging for gold in their car. Blech.
Posted by: Stacey | Aug 11, 2005 2:07:49 AM
Boy, have we changed in EY. On Ave J. and E 16th ... that guy woulda had some answerin' to do... LOL... great post as usual
Posted by: shmiel | Aug 11, 2005 2:46:40 AM
For what it's worth, I woulda just flipped the guy the bird.
Posted by: psychotoddler | Aug 11, 2005 4:08:35 AM
mademoiselle a. ... Don't worry... when we're all packed in the car together for a few hours I'll put a few 'unforgettable' songs in heavy rotation on the iPod... we'll see who ends up with music stuck in their head! :-)
Stacey... Well of course! you're in Texas, right? Nose picking is just the tip of the social iceberg there. Cleaning out earwax with truck keys while sitting at the lunch counter in a diner is my personal favorite thing to watch! :-)
Psychotoddler... For some reason I don't see much of that here. Oh sure, there's plenty of rude/frantic gesturing... but I don't really see 'the bird. I'm not sure it would have the same impact here.
Posted by: David | Aug 11, 2005 9:28:46 AM
Now that I think about it, I've often noticed (and been slightly grossed out) by the frequency at which I see drivers in Israel sitting at traffic lights, passing the time with their fingers in their noses. It's a strangely commonplace phenomenon here, and certainly one cultural difference that I will never understand. Unless, of course, there was no actual "nostril penetration"...
Posted by: She | Aug 11, 2005 9:44:45 AM
Its weird how images that bring disgust in real life, can have me cracking up, written so eloquantly (I just know the spelling is wrong, but well....)
Posted by: Shevy | Aug 12, 2005 2:43:11 AM
She... I think there is an assumption of anonymity that people have while sitting in their cars that allows them to pick their nose... and also act like ass-hats in traffic.
Shevy... Thanks. And I am the last person who can criticize spelling!
Posted by: David | Aug 13, 2005 11:56:24 PM
