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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Really... It's not you, it's me.

I know it's been awhile, but I guess if something's worth saying, it's worth saying over and over:

People... there are a lot of wonderful blogs and journals out there.  The fact that your blog is not on my Good Readin' list (what passes for a blogroll here at treppenwitz), is probably not a reflection of how I feel about it. 

To employ an analogy, I have a stack of books on my night table that I am trying to find the time to read.  All those other shiny new books that call to me from the bookstore window shouldn't feel bad that I haven't brought them home!  I'm one reader... and a slow reader at that! 

See?  Same difference! [to use one of my least favorite expressions]

Some time ago I wrote a post that explained how some people came to be on my reading list... how one was likely to get tossed off my list... and why there were a few people on my list who had achieved a sort of tenure (meaning they would probably have to publicly insult me in order to get thrown off).  Go read it and then come back.  I'll wait.

Alrighty then... feeling a little less ruffled at not being included?  Good. 

Now, just to make sure you understand that "it's not you... it's me", feel free to read this post in which I describe how my blogroll is constantly evolving... like a poorly-tended garden... and that I am often as surprised as anyone to see the trends develop in who and what I read. 

I know... I'm just a puzzle!

Another thing.  If you've ever left me a comment and included your blog's URL... I've absolutely read you.  If you've commented frequently, chances are I have read you frequently.  This isn't a quid pro quo thing.  I just like to refresh my memory of who you are and what's going on in your life before I respond to your comment.  If I liked what I saw when I clicked over to your site... chances are I also added you to my list of favorites in my browser.  Many of the folks on my Good Readin' list first came to my attention because of their consistently thoughtful (and though-provoking) comments. 

Even though I touched on some of the etiquette about how to get onto someone's blogroll last year, perhaps it's worth exploring again.

Please don't send e-mails asking me to link to your blog... it just sounds needy.  I wouldn't come up to you at a party and whisper, "Hey, would you say something nice about me to all your friends?" 

Just say hello and contribute to the discussions once in awhile and chances are people (myself included) will seek you out on their own.

A perfect example of this is my latest 'blog crush' Mirty.  I haven't gotten around to adding her to my 'Good readin' list yet, but I love the way she thinks and writes.  Her ongoing story is as compelling as they come, and it doesn't make a bit of difference that she and I look at the world from very different perspectives.  Mirty just walked up to me at this party called treppenwitz and had some very bright and insightful things to say for herself.  Had she never joined the conversation, I would have missed out on 'meeting' a truly wonderful person.

Also, please don't say things like, "I'll add you to my blogroll if you add me to yours".  You are free to do with your blogroll as you see fit.  I can only think of one or two sites that I started visiting entirely based on seeing them in someone else's blogroll.  The couple of exceptions to this rule were blogs that caught my eye because they seemed to be on everybody's blogroll!  I'm pretty sure they didn't achieve such broad readership because of impersonal, mass-emailed requests for reciprocal links.

Oh, while we're on the subject of e-mails... I enjoy getting emails from readers every bit as much as I enjoy reading your thoughtful comments.  But please don't add me to your political action e-mail lists.  If you think I share your political views then there is no need to continue preaching to the choir.  If you think my political views need changing, I can assure you that no amount of e-mailed political catechism is likely to lead me towards the light. 

OK... that's pretty much everything on my mind at the moment.  Everyone feeling better?


Posted by David Bogner on May 18, 2005 | Permalink


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I am not a blogger so I guess this post doesn't really appy to me...but you're on my "daily reads" list!

Posted by: Essie | May 19, 2005 3:19:34 PM

Thanks David! I have a crush on your "All Yonah... All the time" album. That sweet little face just melts my heart.

I'll give you hug!! I'll read you story!!

Posted by: Mirty | May 19, 2005 4:02:43 PM

Let me steal Mr. Seinfeld's words: "I'm master of my own domain!" or "We are each masters of our own domain!"
We have blogs, which are like an open house, a store, an art show. You come in, you browse, you see something you like and take it away with you.
You tell someone else about what you saw and liked, and they, too, might check out the goods.
Most visitors are welcome, some overstay their welcome and others you hope to see again and again.
I like your open house, with the attached photo gallery...even if I did have to stumble down a few steps to get to it. Even though I visit other open houses, I always find something special at yours to take away with me. That's why I continue to return.
Keep the welcome mat out, please.

Posted by: Pearl | May 19, 2005 4:39:29 PM

I found you many many moons ago through Redsugar Muse, the matriarch of all blogaciousness. What a happy accident that was.

Through you, I've "met" Psychotoddler and then Pearl, and developed a bit of an email acquaintanceship with both. Kinda neat that I would never have bumped into these people in a million years were it not for David Bogner. Thanks.

Posted by: Doctor Bean | May 19, 2005 5:23:30 PM

That's a really good blog entry about how to gain readership, etc, and one you might want to put on a permanent page so you don't have to keep ranting about it from time to time :o). In fact, do you mind if I adapt it to use for my blog? I think it encapsulates how I feel about comment and idea exchange.

Posted by: V. Ko | May 19, 2005 5:24:34 PM

I soooo lack your integrity that it's not funny. I can almost never say no to anyone who asks to be on my blogroll. Unless they don't actually read my site or comment on it. I'm very bad at rejection myself and have a hard time inflicting it on others as a result.

As a result my blogroll is getting very large and I'm having a hard time keeping up with people I like to read. I can't get to everyone everyday. And I run into real problems with people who either write very long posts (cough Irina) or too many posts to keep up (Jack) so I feel like I'm just doing hit and run strikes on those blogs.

I've unblogrolled a few who have either been offensive or who have gone out of their way to ignore me. But by and large if you're a frequent commenter you'll end up on my blogroll.

I'm so pathetic! I don't deserve to be on your good reading list! Unblogroll me!

BTW I want to echo Bean's and Pearl's comments. I've met a lot of wonderful people through blog comments and blogrolls and they've really enriched my life.

And I promise I won't mention the Leiderhosen incident to anyone.

Posted by: psychotoddler | May 19, 2005 6:04:49 PM

or too many posts to keep up (Jack)

I feel a bit like Howard Stern here. There is nothing like getting mentioned on someone elses blog. Hee hee.

On a more serious note, it has been a pleasure hanging out here at Chez Bogner and mingling with the various folks that attend the events.

Posted by: Jack | May 19, 2005 6:36:09 PM

Please read me! please read...ok I'll stop now,lol. I find your post very refreshing and I try to read your blog when I can. I'm not going to go nuts trying to figure out how to add readership to my blog. I think if my content and ideas are interesting enough it will evolve.
Let me ask you have you gotten that email where we all stop buying Gas today so we can show the
Saudis we ain't going to take it no more? I can do
without those emails too.

Posted by: shloimy | May 19, 2005 7:24:52 PM

I'm somewhat new to this blogging world, but there's one thing I don't follow:

If you subscribe to the various blogs on your list via a RSS reader then can't you just see if any of the posts look interesting? Even if someone doesn't post once a month, you'll catch their occasional new post when it comes out.

I use My Yahoo, I know others use Bloglines, and some have non-web based readers. Sure beats using favorites...

Posted by: Dave | May 19, 2005 7:57:58 PM

I clicked over from Jack's blog (I don't need to plug him you already blogroll him). I just appreciate a well written rant. I just have one simple comment.

I have never had anyone ask me to blogroll them? What's up with that?

Take Care

Posted by: Blogin Idiot | May 19, 2005 8:21:46 PM

That's because you're a bloggin' idiot, man!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I don't subscribe to the RSS feeds because then I wouldn't be wasting time clicking on my favorite blogs to see if they updated. And we all know that the primary purpose of blogging is to waste time.

Posted by: psychotoddler | May 19, 2005 8:57:51 PM

Essie... I'm flattered. I've actually tried once or twice to respond personally to your comments, but you seem to be a bit shy about using your real address. Just know that so far (tfu tfu tfu) nobody has told me about getting spam as a result of leaving their real email address on a comment here.

Mirty... I really have to update pictures of all the kids, but thanks... we think he's yummy too.

Pearl... Thanks! I love your analogy. I enjoy your store very much... and it goes without saying that you're always welcome in mine.

Doctor Bean... Ah yes, RedSugar Muse... many roads in the blogosphere leat to Tanya's door. I actually 'met' Tanya when another blogger (who I got the sense had a bit more than a blog crush on her) asked me if I wouldn't mind sending her a gmail invite. Not only did I give her an invite, but it was blog crush at first sight! I think she holds the treppenwitz record for going from first visit to blogroll in the shortest amount of time (about 20 minutes). :-)

I must say that the only reason it took me so long to put you on my good readin' list is that you were part of a group blog, and I hadn't read enough of the other contributors to know if I would enjoy them. Obviously the answer turned out to be yes. Anyway, I hope it goes without saying that I'm glad you found your way over here, and I always look forward to your wonderful contributions here.

V.Ko... Of course... feel free to quote or adapt anything you find here. The only rule: Give credit where credit is due. I've never heard of anyone having a problem with being quoted or paraphrased so long as proper attribution was provided. BTW, I'm glad we met over on Israelity.com. I've enjoyed reading your blog very much.

Psychotoddler... Look, if you can look one of your drug reps in the eye (and nowhere else) you are already way ahead of me in the integrity department! :-) Seriously, I don't even reply to requests to be blogrolled or for reciprocal linking. It's your blogroll... not advertising for other people's blogs. For what it's worth, even if I didn't know you from the old days in the NY music business, I'd still say you are totally worthy of blogrolling! :-)

Jack... Feel free to mingle... in fact let me introduce you to some folks over here on the couch! "I'd like you to meet Mohammed, Jugdish, Sidney and Clayton... Oh, you've already met? Great ! So you'll have lots to talk about!" [I'm betting you're old enough to get the reference]

Shloimy... Thanks, I appreciate that. And yes, I also hate those emailed chain letters (especially the ones that could be debunked if the person wasn't too lazy to spend 5 seconds on Snopes!) Don't get me started...

Dave... Feeds are fine if that's what you like. But I enjoy reading a blog or journal in its natural habitat. The host has usually put in a bit of time and effort arranging the layout and creating a unique look for his/her site. When you subscribe to a feed you bypass all that, and in my opinion you miss out on part of the experience. But the real issue I was trying to address is that blogrolls and favorites are like friendships. People come and go in your life... others stay forever. There are those who are merely acquaintances... and others you can't wait to call 20 minutes after leaving their house. The relationships that develop online are no different. If you do all your reading from behind a feed, you are missing out on a lot of that.

Blogin Idiot... With a name like that, why am I not surprised that you clicked over from Jacks place? :-) Seriously Michael... there are a lot of people who start blogging for all the wrong reasons. If they detect even modest traffic on your site they will send you a generic fan letter saying they have been reading you forever (lies) and that they love your blog (more lies) and would you please put a link to their [brand new] blog on your site. At that point you will click over and see a brand spanking new blog with three-and-a-half entries all saying some variation of "Well, here I am... I guess it was only a matter of time before I started my own blog... pretty soon I'll have to come up with something interesting to say [hahahah]... I just checked my stats and I think I just got a hit...". Trust me, when that happens you will want to add that person to your blogroll about as much as you want to add a tumor to your liver.

Psychotoddler... What's with all this free time you seem to have? I thought you docs spent all your time at investment seminars! :-)

Posted by: David | May 19, 2005 10:23:32 PM

I'm betting you're old enough to get the reference]

He's Eric Stratton and he is damn glad to meet you. :)

Posted by: Jack | May 19, 2005 10:59:06 PM

Jack... right movie but wrong character. It was Neidermeyer guiding Pinto and Flounder over to the 'unpopular couch' at the Omega house rush party.

Now how is it that I can rememebr that (along with all the good lines from 'Fletch') and I can't remember what Zahava asked me to pick up at the store???

Posted by: David | May 19, 2005 11:08:39 PM

Because Zahava didn't ask you to pick up anything as funny as a bloody mary, a steak sandwich, and a steak sandwich.

Posted by: Doctor Bean | May 19, 2005 11:32:39 PM

yeah, I came over from Divrei Moshe's blog. I was like, hm...whats a treppenwitz...? so i came over, and i was like, "hey, i know this person...woah! Mr B how ya doin?" so that was fun.
whats an rss? and blogroll? blogroll is just the space on the sidebar where you say "these blogs are da bomb," right?

Posted by: Tonny | May 20, 2005 12:10:15 AM

Doctor Bean... True. But tell me something doc, did you ever do time? Moooon river!!! :-)

Tonny... I won't try to go into too much detail about feeds because as it is I am dancing dangerously close to the sharp edges of technology... but suffice it to say that most blog software offers the option of letting people subscribe to your site's 'feed'. This means that they can get the content of your site delivered to their computer according to a predetermined schedule and/or whenever you update. I allow feeds but I know many people who prefer to force readers to come to their site.

Posted by: David | May 20, 2005 12:22:27 AM

Good movie.

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."

Posted by: Jack | May 20, 2005 12:40:27 AM

Jack... Words to live by! (I've been mostly successful)

Posted by: David | May 20, 2005 12:46:18 AM

Yes! Yes, yes, yes! I couldn't agree more - obviously. Why do people whine and beg? Calimeros are very very boring.

And thank you for your reply to Dave up there, you've helped me crystalise what I've been vaguely thinking perfectly. Bloglining feels a bit dismissive to me for exactly the reasons you pointed out, and would leave me with a reading-books-online taste in my mouth.

Posted by: Lioness | May 20, 2005 2:23:12 AM

Oy! You don't appear to be having a good week, are you?

BTW, how is Zahava? I stopped cold turkey at 4 months with my youngest and THE PAIN WAS UNBEARABLE!!!!! I hope the cabbage is working well (and yes I have heard of that also and it DOES work) and that she will be returning to 'normal' soon.

Posted by: Fran | May 20, 2005 6:39:46 AM

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Rosenpenis. I'm here to see about Photo Friday.

What's your name again?

Dr. Rosenrosen. I was told there would be some nice pictures, maybe a touching story about them, you know, every week.

I'm sorry Dr. Rosen... you really have to come back on Friday, that's when Photo Friday happens.

[with appologies to those who haven't seen Fletch]

Posted by: Doctor Bean | May 20, 2005 8:30:20 AM

Just a question about etiquite, or however it's spelled. When you're mentioned, links and all, in something like
why don't you post it to give the effort exposure?

It would be good for all involved http://soccerdad.baltiblogs.com/archives/004560.html .

Posted by: muse | May 20, 2005 8:55:37 AM

Fletch, now there is a movie with some great dialogue:

"Gail Stanwyck: Look at her would you look at her. She looks like a hooker. Could you love someone who looked like that?
Fletch: What are you talking about? Of course not! Five, ten minutes tops, maybe."

Posted by: Jack | May 20, 2005 9:24:22 AM

sounds like you guys watch nothing but movies starring old Saturday Night Live actors. How bout some Caddyshack lines?

Lovely boy -- now I now why tigers eat their young

Posted by: psychotoddler | May 20, 2005 6:04:30 PM

Bill Murray has a great line:

"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one---big hitter, the Lama---long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice"

Posted by: Jack | May 20, 2005 8:56:08 PM

I gotta see that again.

Posted by: psychotoddler | May 21, 2005 12:27:40 AM

The comment about the new bloggers who self-promote shamelessly was hilarious! Especially the part about the first entry, because it really reminds me of my own, and, well... You have to start out somehow, right?

In defense of those lame first introductions, I've got to say that many inexperienced bloggers don't really know much about the etiquette of blogging, or that leaving (insightful) comments on other blogs is a much better way to go. In fact, many first-timers might be quite shy about leaving comments at first. But most people probably learn eventually how to "behave" and stop acting desperate when they become a little more confident.

Then there are others who probably act desperate in "real" life as well, but those can be ignored... However, if someone asked me to blogroll me, I'd probably check out his or her site just in case it's indeed worthy of blogrolling. I usually follow a site I find interesting for a while before blogrolling it, just to make sure it's a whole indeed interesting enough to read. My blogroll isn't particularly exclusive, just a list of convenience for the blogs I check out often or even just once in a while, but like to have there in case I feel like reading it.

Posted by: Irina | May 21, 2005 6:09:07 AM

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