A few (childish) secrets revealed

I am not a gourmet cook by any stretch of the imagination, but I do have a nice repertoire of main dishes, desserts and confections that I make quite well. 

Very few of these dishes are old family recipes, and there's really no plausible reason to be secretive about how they are prepared.  Yet my Über-patient wife can tell you that I have a childish habit of keeping most of these recipes locked up in a little leather-bound diary... and of not sharing them with anyone!

I can't explain why I started this stupidity.  I'm guessing it's because I love when people enjoy the things I prepare, so some subliminal instinct likely kicks in that wants to force them to have to come back to me whenever they wish to taste these culinary treats again.

I'm quite a catch, no?

So, we're all in agreement that I have a problem... and that it would probably be therapeutic to try to work through it. 

It would be therapeutic for me to loosen up and realize that people will still want to enjoy things I've prepared even if they could easily prepare them themselves.  It would be therapeutic for my wife (she who LOVES to share recipes) since she won't be tempted to chase me around the kitchen with a cast-iron skillet. 

But the true beneficiaries of this attempt to become a better person will be you, dear reader.  Starting today you will get to see some of the stuff I've had locked away all these years.

So, as the holiday of Shavuot is only a few days away I thought I'd share a couple of recipes that lend themselves nicely to a dairy menu.

The first one is a recipe for ersatz Kahlua® I inherited from a friend back in the early 80's while we were undergraduates at Hebrew University on Mount Scopus.  A batch of this stuff costs a tiny fraction of the real stuff... and it tastes exactly the same! 

Ersatz Kahlua®

Ingredients:

• 4 cups water
• 6 teaspoons instant coffee
• 2 cups white sugar
• ½ cup brown sugar
• 1 ½ cup vodka (use the cheap stuff)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 tablespoon chocolate syrup (optional) *

1. Bring water to a boil and add instant coffee and both white and brown sugar.

2. Immediately after pouring in sugar turn down the heat and simmer for 20 minutes (stirring occasionally)

3. Remove from heat, add vanilla and chocolate (if used) and allow to cool.

4. Once liquid is cool, add vodka

Once all the steps are completed give the whole mess a good stir and immediately pour into empty bottles (using a funnel) and close tightly.  The whole process shouldn't take longer than an hour start to finish!

Note:  You can safely double this recipe, but I've had bad results when I've tried to triple or quadruple it.  Also, if you want to make ersatz Tia Maria® instead of Kahlua®, just use rum instead of vodka.  They are otherwise identical recipes.

*  If you want to keep your ersatz Kahlua® Parve (meaning non-dairy), make sure to use non-dairy chocolate syrup or leave out this optional ingredient.

OK, other than getting hammered on ersatz black/white Russians, sombreros and mudslides, I'm sure you were wondering what else you could do with your stash of newly minted ersatz Kahlua®.

I'm glad you asked:

Chocolate [ersatz] Kahlua® Cheesecake

Ingredients:

• 8 oz. Chocolate cookie crumbs (I use Oreo® crumbs if I can find them)
• ½ cup melted butter
• 2 envelopes of dessert topping (e.g. Dream Whip®)
• 1 cup milk
• 1 lb. cream cheese (splurge and use the Philly!)
• 2 tablespoons [ersatz] Kahlua®
• ⅔ cup sugar
• 12 oz chocolate chips (melted and cooled)
• 1 cup whipping cream
• One square bittersweet chocolate
• 10" (or two 8") ungreased spring-form pan(s)

1.  If chocolate cookies aren't pre-crumbled, crush them into a fine crumbly mess and place in a mixing bowl.

2.  Add melted butter to cookie crumbs and mix thoroughly

3.  Press buttery crumbs into an even layer on the bottom of the spring-form pan(s)

4.  Bake for 7 - 8 minutes @ 350° and then put in refrigerator to chill

5.  Process dessert topping with milk until stiff

6.  Add cream cheese and mix until smooth (no lumps!)

7.  Add [ersatz] Kahlua®, sugar and melted chocolate chips

8.  Process until smooth and then pour over chilled cookie crust(s)

9.  Lick bowl until face and ears are sufficiently chocolaty and then wash mixing bowl

10. Process whipping cream until stiff (but not too much or you'll end up with butter!!!)

11. Pour over chocolate layer using a spatula.

12. Garnish with shavings of bittersweet chocolate

Note: Refrigerate for minimum of 6 - 8 hours before serving!

Wow, that was a liberating experience!  I need to open up like this more often!