Please... stop the madness!

A personal message to the Ba'al Mussaf (the person leading the additional service) this past Saturday morning:

I should begin by saying that I'm really in no position to criticize your voice. I'm certainly not in possession of a professional-quality set of pipes, and I generally shy away from leading services because I am more than a little self-conscious. 

However, despite my meager talents and limited knowledge of 'nusach' (the agreed-upon text/order of the prayers), I feel the need to step up and have a word with you about your choice of melodies to which you decided to set the traditional Mussaf prayers.

Here's the deal... If you grab pretty much any Sephardi guy off the streets of Israel... religious, secular, it really doesn't matter... he will almost certainly be able to recite every word of any weekday or Shabbat service out loud from memory.  Not only that, but what he recites will sound strikingly similar to what his great, great, great, grandfather would have recited when asked.  You see, the traditions surrounding 'nussach' and melodies have been a thing of relative constancy in the Sephardi community since, well, pretty much forever.

But if you ask an Ashkenazi guy to get up and 'daven for the amud' (lead the congregation in prayer), things are going to be a tad less, er, predictable. 

First of all, there is an excellent chance that he will decline the honor altogether for lack of confidence in his own knowledge and ability (I sort of fall into this category).  If by chance he agrees to lead the service, you are likely to get something resembling the bastard child of Eurovision and a Manhattan piano bar.  To say that it won't be anything approaching a traditional rendering of the service, would be a gross understatement.

Why is that?  When did the Ashkenazi community completely abandon any attempt to preserve and pass along traditional melodies and the specific knowledge of how to lead the community in prayer?

I ask you these question because this past Shabbat I sat through your rendering of Mussaf that included, among other offenses:

• Andrew Lloyd Webber's 'Close Every Door To Me', from the Broadway musical 'Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat'. 
• Another offering by ALW; 'Memories' from the show 'Cats'.
• Andrea Bocelli's 'Time to say goodbye' (ironically, the exact message I was trying to send you telepathically during this particular portion of your 'performance'), a song which gained popularity after being featured on the HBO series 'The Sopranos'.

Obviously it needs to be acknowledged that most critics have the luxury of passing judgment from the safe anonymity of the audience (as I have here).  But that doesn't necessarily mean the criticism is ill-conceived or incorrect. 

Please take my advice (for what it is worth): If you enjoy Broadway and light opera, there are piano bars for showcasing your talents with fellow enthusiasts.  If you don't like crowds and smoky rooms... then invite some like-minded friends over for an intimate evening of song in your living room.   

But please... I'm begging you... please leave the show tunes at the door when you enter the synagogue.  And if you are asked to lead the services, kindly remember that we are all there in shul because of a shared obligation to participate in communal prayer... not due to a common fondness for Andrew Lloyd Webber.

/lecture