Helpful Aliyah tip

I've been an Israeli citizens for a few years now, so I feel like it might be time to start giving back... in the form of lessons to those who might be getting roughed up by the well-entrenched Israeli bureaucracy. 

For the sake of getting off on the right foot, I'll start with arguably the most important rule when navigating the country's sprawling maze of semi-functional agencies: Avoid the information kiosk at all costs!

In any sane country, each and every government office, hospital and clinic would have a well-informed man or women sitting at the information desk, ready to greet new arrivals and direct them to the correct office and answer basic questions about what goes on there.

But for some reason, the people manning most Israeli 'information' desks seem to have been chosen at random off the street moments before the doors are opened for that day's business.  Seriously... that's the only reasonable explanation for their blanket incompetence that I've been able to come up with.

Other than handing out numbers (which could easily be accomplished by an unmanned wall-mounted number dispenser such as they have in bakeries and butchers) Israeli information specialist don't seem to be required to actually possess any helpful or accurate information.  In fact, if personal experience is any indication, their primary role is limited to knowing how to say 'no' in several languages and/or direct as many people as possible to incorrect locations... preferably in other buildings far, far away.

To be fair, I've found that once you manage to bypass the information barrier desk, the people inside are almost universally helpful and well-informed.  You just have to have enough 'chutzpah' to poke your head into a couple of offices in order to get the directions or information you were looking for.

Last, but not least... the three golden rules for understanding Israeli bureaucrats*:

1.  No means maybe.

2.  Maybe means yes... but I need a reason.

3.  Yes means OK but I can't tell you exactly when.

Don't thank me... I'm a giver.

* I heard this on our pilot trip the year before we made aliyah.  It has helped us on countless occasions!