What kind of monster hangs up on a five year old?!

Um... that would be moi.

Many of you are familiar with the ritual phone call that Yonah makes to me (on Zahava's Cell Phone) from the bus stop every morning.  For the first year, the content of the phone call didn't vary much.  In fact it was pretty much formulaic.

However, Yonah's vocabulary and social skills have blossomed to such an extent since his surgery that he's become quite the chatterbox... on the phone and in person.  He engages anyone within shouting distance in discussions of his clothing, his meals (the one just past or the next one anticipated), his pets, his friends, and pretty much anything else that pops into his head.

Clearly he is delighted to finally feel included in what's going on around him, and even more so that he has the tools to interact and express himself.  But like most of us he sometimes wants to disconnect and be alone with his thoughts... but not really alone, if you know what I mean. 

This trick of keeping loved ones close enough to touch but not actually directly interact with them is something that most of us would call 'a comfortable silence'.  Unfortunately, Yonah doesn't yet have the social skills, confidence or nuanced vocabulary to be able to let us know when he isn't in the mood to talk... but that he still wants us accessible.  He doesn't understand the concept of two people sitting silently together but engaged in their separate thoughts or activities.  In his mind, in order to have the comfort of someone's company, there needs to be ongoing physical or verbal contact of some kind.

This has manifested itself in a really annoying habit of his where he will initiate contact (either in person or on the phone... toss out a few standard conversation starters... and then go about playing by himself or daydreaming while answering "What?" to anything and everything said to him from that point on... just to keep the lines of communication open.

In person, it's less of a problem because he can come sit next to one of us to get the physical contact he craves, while thumbing through a book or playing a game on his own.  But on the phone he sometimes walks a tightrope between wanting to maintain the connection of a conversation with me... while not wanting to be distracted from whatever else he is doing.  So a typical conversation can sometimes sound like this:

Me:  Good morning sweetie boy... are you calling from the bus stop?

Yonah: Yup!

Me:  Did Ima let you bring one of the dogs with you to wait for your bus?

Yonah [vaguely]: What?

Me:  I said did you bring one of the dogs with you?

Yonah:  What?

Me [trying a different tack]: Who else is there at the bus stop with you and Ima?

Yonah:  What?

[Repeat until my head explodes.]

Mind you, this isn't always the case.  Some mornings Yonah is completely focused on the conversation and will chat effortlessly about the weather, his clothes, the other people at the bus stop and the regular drivers who go by and wave to him. 

But this past Sunday morning was not one of those mornings. After the 8th or 9th 'What?', I decided to teach Yonah a difficult lesson:

Me:  Yonah, can you hear me? 

Yonah:  What?

[At this point I had a sudden mental flash of Samuel L. Jackson holding a pistol and screaming "Say "what" again. Say "what" again! I dare you! I double-dare you, mother***er! Say "what" one more g**damn time! ", but instead I calmly said...]

Me:  You know Yonah, if you don't want to have a real conversation with me I'm not going to stay on the phone.

Yonah:  What?

Me:  Bye!  [and immediately press the 'end' button on the phone]

Within 30 seconds I received the expected phone call from Zahava... who sounded slightly annoyed:

Zahava:  Did you just hang up on Yonah?

[in the background I could hear Yonah sobbing, "Yes, Abba hanged up on me!"]

Me:  Yes.  He was clearly more interested in whatever else was going on there at the bus stop than in talking to me... and I got tired of hearing him say "What?".  He needed to learn that both people in a conversation have feelings.

Zahava pondered that for a moment, said okay, and said goodbye.  But less than 15 seconds later the phone rang again and this time I heard the tear-stained voice of Yonah:

Yonah [sniffling]:  Abba, why did you hanged [sic] up on me?

Me:  Because you weren't listening, and you kept saying 'What?'. If you want to talk with someone on the phone you have to actually take turns talking.   I can't be the only one talking while you ignore me.  Do you want to talk to me now?

Yonah: Yes, but my bus is coming now.

Me:  OK, then we can talk later, OK?

Yonah:  OK [sniff]... goodbye-I-love-you-have-a-nice-day!  [~click~]

I think he got the message.  All of our phone conversations since then have been fairly two-sided, and he only said 'What?' once or twice when he genuinely didn't hear/understand what I'd said. 

So yes, if you're wondering what kind of a monster hangs up on a five year old... it's the kind of monster who loves his kid enough to teach him how to be a Mensch.  Guilty as charged.